fix these broken wings
by Lilli89
Summary: Kelly Severide and Erin Lindsay settle down to family life. But real never waits...
1. Chapter 1

**A big thank you goes to Sandygirl who encouraged me to translate the story from German into English.**

**The story might be a mass. **

**Every statement could help to avoid mistakes in the upcoming chapters.**

**Anyway, I hope you like it either.**

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„Why aren't you talking to me?"

Kelly looked at Erin in a concerned way. Lindsay turned her back, unable to speak.

„Erin, we're dating since two years. We share a room together. As soon as it comes to your childhood or teenage years you're completely different. What is it? Don't you trust me anymore?"

Nervously Lindsay touched her own shoulder before she prepared for dinner again.

Nevertheless Severide wouldn't give up. He gently touched her shoulder, only stopped when Erin made her way to the living room.

"I have been honest to you. Always", he insited with a hurt voice. She did a good job to fight back tears.

She had to tell him. He had the right to know.

„Kelly I'm not sure if I really want to talk about it now"

But he didn't care.

„You don't have to be ashamed."

She resignedly rolled her eyes. Now it was there. The moment where she had to stop lying. She had to tell him the truth.

Erin moved to one of the chairs and took place.

„You have to make a promise", she said with a shaky voice. Not able to looked him in the eyes.

Kelly silently nodded.

„Keep it for yourself. I don't want the whole firehouse to know what I have gone through."

He lifted his hands to swear an oath.

Quietly Erin started to speak.

"Voight isn't my real dad. I lived on the street for 4 years before I got to know him. Things were never easy for me."

Kelly looked at his girlfriend, still in a state of shock. He didn't feel it coming. Speechless he took place next to Lindsay.

Erin continued when she noticed his encouragement.

„My mum is a junkie. My Dad is in jail since I know about him. I never got to meet him before.

I started dealing when I was 10. It has been a downhill since then. I started smoking weed, became an addict myself. At the age of 14 I have been arrested for 5 times. Finally my mum got kicked out of therapy after living in different shelter homes. She stopped coming home. After that I was brought into foster care, but I ran away, became a missing kid. I used to sleep under bridges, started stealing, dealing, until I got to meet Voight."

She stared at the ground unable to look at Kelly

„I worked as a CI. Later Voight made a deal with the social worker which allowed me to move to his apartment. He and his wife gave me a home when I was around 16. He treated me hard but it was the best way to get my life straight."

Erins voice started to shake. It was one of the darkest chapters at her life.

She didn't even flinch when Kelly squeezed her hand.

„I became a student at this catholic high school. It was good, until someone found out about my past. It's been like hell on earth. But I ate it , never told Hank about it. I was to proud. I didn't want him to be disappointed. At the age of 20 I started working as a Cop. With the help of Voight contacts I became a member at his unit."

Severide nodded, still looking like someone died in front of him.

„When did you see your mum for the last time?"

Lindsay smiled with a sad look.

„Ten years ago. She slept in front of a Wallmart. I don't know if she's still alive today."

Her eyes filled with tears.

„Without Voight I wouldn't be here."

Kelly stroked her back.

„To me he has been the father I've never had before."

Her voice broke at the end of the sentence.

„A few month ago I met this teenage girl. Her name was Nadia. Streetkid, no home, no place to live. Her arms punctured by needles. Every time I saw her I felt like being 14 again. She seemed like a copy of me. And that hurts, you know?"

She started to cry quietly. Immediately Kelly took her in his arms.

He rocked her like a little girl, while she let her tears flow, crying like she never had before until she was calm enough to reach for a tissue.

"It was hard to grow up like this. I don't want to continue my mums mistakes", she whispered while biting her tongue. Severide looked at her in a way of understandment, still not knowing what she really means.

Erin took a deep breath. It felt like the right time.

Normally she would have told him earlier. But she never passed the defining moment.

"Kelly, I have to tell you something."

Still not knowing about the news Severide got nervous, while she gently stroked his hand.

"I'm pregnant."

Kelly stared at her, made a surprised face, which changed into a bright smile.

"Since when? You're sure?"

"8th week", Erin whispered, while she reached into her pocket to show him the sonographic image before he pulled her closer to back into a passionate kiss.

In spite of her tears she started to smile…


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you so much for all of your comments. It made my day.**

**As you probably noticed :my english isn't that well but I try to translate my story as good as I'm able to.**

**I'm really thankful for all of your statements and hope you like the next chapter**

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*Flash back*

„How should I explain it to him?"

It's been 15 minutes since Erin sat next to Voight, who was slightly out of tissues. She was crying constantly. In contrast to Kelly, Hank already knew about the latest news. Even if he thought it wasn't the best time for a kid.

But on the other hand: What was the right moment in a womans life?

"Erin, keep calm. It's not the end of the world. You tell him like you told me. You still have the best options."

Voight hugged her tight, before he changed his look into a fake smile. Despite his encouragement Erin started to hesitate again.

"It's not the right time. I finally get where I wanted to be. Everything is fine. I love my job. A baby means responsibility. It requires time, safety. Do I look like I'm able to provide that?"

Hank sighed before he handled her the last handkerchief

Normally bursting into tears wasn't typical for Erin. Especially when she talked to Voight. But on this november morning everything broke down on her.

„Look kid."

Gently Hank touched her shoulder, forced her to look him in the eyes.

„There's no wrong or right time for a child. You`re 28. You have a safe job, you kicked past's ass.

What are you waiting for? We will get this little rugrat into a confident young men, maybe woman. And I'm still here. I'm able to help."

Lindsay took a deep breath before she risked a view on the sonographic image on his desk. She bite her lips in confusion.

"Kelly works as a lieutenant at the fire department. I'm paid for killing dealers or investigating crime. Both of these jobs are extremely dangerous. That's what you call the best requirements for a kid?"

Hank changed his face into an ironical expression.

"So, this means all firemen and cops in the united states remain childless?", he said sarcastically.

Lindsay changed her face into a grimace, before she became serious again.

"That's not all. I always thought I would never have children by myself. Because there was this fear to end up like my mum. I'm not sure if I'm able to raise a kid, be a mother. I mean, we talk about a human being."

Hank nodded in encouragement, before he put his hands in hers.

„Erin, your mum was a drug addict. Alone. Single parent. You and Kelly count two adults. You've learned from your mistakes."

Lindsay shrugged her shoulders.

„It just came so suddenly."

„It's gonna be okay. You might stay at home for a few month. Maybe finding a good babysitter and returning to work. I don't see any problem at all. In the worst case we put a crib in my office."

Hank smiled, which infected Erin who already couldn't hide the laughter behind her face.

"Don't you worry kid. It's just important how you manage the next weeks", he grabbed one bullet proved west and handled it towards Erin, because her old one was destroyed at a bank robbery.

"You will get a desk job when you're 16 weeks pregnant", Hank explained.

"We won't take any risks."

Erin nodded seriously.

"Thank you.".

Hank looked at her with a selfconfident impression, before she left his office.

„Erin? Would you tell me when you know if it's a boy or girl?"

„Of course", she grined, cleaning the tears from her face , before she finally left the room.

She already made her decision.

*Flashback ends*

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A few month later...

„We will meet at the station. The deal is confirmed."

Withthe rest of the detectives leaving for work, Jay looked at Erins belly who was as round as a football.

She was 8 month pregnant and had to work a desk job, because Voight wanted her to do so.

Giving birth to a healthy baby meant a lot to him. It was his personal goal to make sure that his "daughter " would find the joy she never had before.

"Good luck. Both of you", Jay pointed at her stomach before he grabbed his stuff and left the office. It was only a few days before Erin would start her maternity protection.

"See you later", Voight waved at Jay when he looked at his daughter and grined.

"It's gonna be a tough lady", he jerked while stroking her belly . Erin made a brave face.

"She's kicking a lot today."

"It's gonna be okay. You will see."

„I'm extremly calm. In comparison to the beginning."

Hank noded, looking outside the window.

"When will Kelly take you home?"

"Around seven. In 5 minutes."

"It's just an exception today. You know why. I don't like lovers around the house."

Erin smirked.

Voight already wanted to get up when Erin kept him back.

"Hank? You know I'm not able to thank you enough. But Kelly and I made a deal."

Hank looked at his daughter in confusion.

"We want you to be her godfather. In case something happens to us we want to make sure that someone take care of her", Lindsay asked, unsure how his reaction would be.

"For Sure. Why not?", he took her in his arms and winked.

"Thanks for everything."

Just at the next moment a bright smiling Kelly entered the room.

"I just wanted to bring my girls home", he walked in front of Erins desk before he kissed her belly, unwrapping one of her favorite ice creams.

Voight followed the situation on his chair, while he started to read a newspaper.

„Have a nice afternoon. And enjoy your time. Both of you. It might end faster as you think"

"Thanks Hank."

Kelly helped his girlfriend to dress up, before he put her arms around Erin and walked to the car...


	3. Chapter 3

**Fist of all I want to thank you for all of your comments. I still hope you like the story. Even if my english sucks so much.**

**The next chapter includes more Severide.**

**The baby is born and Erin and Kelly gonna be parents.**

**Feel free to criticize.**

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**One week later…**

Severide rocked his baby girl in his arms. He looked at her proudly, lucky what Erin and he brought into this world.

Little Sophia watched him with her blue eyes, wrapped his finger around his hand.

She was a premature baby, born much earlier than expected.

But this doesn't change the situation.

He dreamed of having a kid since more than six years. Now his dream came true.

Gently he touched her little head after he put a kiss on her cheek.

Kelly started to rock her when she screamed again.

"SHHH… Daddy is here. I will always protect you. Whatever happens"

A smiling nurse entered the room, pointing at the visitors area.

"Mr. Severide. It's probably time for her. You can bring your daughter to next door. She might be hungry", she insisted to tell that Sophia needed to see her mum again.

He just walked down the hallway when he recognized some familiar faces, who started to cheer him up.

Herrman, Mouch and Cruz smiled at this tiny little girl in excitement. Same were Matt, Gabby and Antonio.

"She definitely looks like Erin. Even if she has your mouth and ears."

After a crowd of birth wishes Mouch pointed at Lindsays room.

„Voight is still with her."

Kelly walked away, knocking on the door, before he opened. Erin, still looking as pale as a wall was sunk into a conversation with Voight.

But Hank grinned brightly when he recognized the baby in his arms. It was the first time he saw her.

"Can I hold her?", he asked directly to spread his arms. Kelly already laughing, handled him the baby, which was faced by a big smiling Voight.

"Hey, you little rugrat. Do your best and don't mess around with your parents, okay?"

His look fell on Erin and Kelly.

"You did a good job. Congratulations", Voight nodded before he handled little Sophia to her proud mother again...

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**4 years later…**

„Daddy! Daddy! Could you tell me a good night story?"

4 year old Sophia left the hand of her mother, loudly running towards her father, who already waited at the firehouse.

Immediately he grabbed his little daughter, throw her in the air, before she landed in his arms, while the laughter of the other firefighters and paramedics disturbed the quiet afternoon.

"Hey, little munchkin. Are you visiting me?"

Erin who watched the scene with amusement walked towards her husband, greeted him with a kiss.

" I know you you're still on duty. But we got a new case. The babysitter cancelled. Can you watch her tonight? It's not the best way but I couldn't treat my shift."

Kelly nodded, still a bit unsure how he would be able to handle work and babysitting.

Meanwhile Casey listened to the talk, made some steps to say hello to Erin.

"Gabby is stopping by with Emma later. Maybe they could play together", Matt smirked, before Kelly let his daughter to the ground saying good bye to Erin who had to go to work again.

"Bye, bye mummy", Kelly and Sophia waved, before Severide took her hand.

"What are we gonna to do first?", Kelly let her choose an option.

"Sitting in the fire truck? Playing hide and seek?", Mills suggested, kneeling in front of her.

"Maybe you want to join Uncle Mouch in the kitchen? We could cook some tasty food?"

Groaning Herman rolled his eyes.

"For sure. And five minutes later she lost her first finger", he stated which resulted angry views from his colleague.

"What about playing paramedic? I suggest they make some boy stuff and we try to fix Mr. Teddys ear", Shay asked Sophia, who made a funny grimace.

"Yeah", she clapped with her hands to followed Shay down the hallway.

"Out of words. Nothing to say", Hermann laughed.

"She's gonna be a good medic later", Mills noticed in amusement, earning an upset look from Kellys direction.

"Hopefully not. Otherwiese I'm going to die of worries", he smiled weakly. Meanwhile Sophia worked on her first patient, trying to focus on Mr. Teddys bandage who covered his head.

"Mills is right", Casey smirked while someone stepped next to him, covering his eyes.

A childs voice started laughing.

"Aunt Gabby! Emma!", Sophia squeaked, before the two little girls hugged each other, running through the fire station. It was the beginning of a long night…

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After returning to the station the best time of the shift began.

Sophia and Emma were allowed to put two tables together. They wanted to build a hole for sleeping and had asked to spend the night in it.

For the desperation of a poor Kelly Gabby already agreed which made him crawling under the tables for reading out a book.

"We're here", Emma called for her Daddy , who walked into the kitchen, still looking in confusion. He just lifted the blanket, grinning brightly when he recognized Kelly and the girls..

"Don't you start laughing", Kelly whined which resulted a loud laughter by everyone.

„Please go on, Daddy", Sophia required, before she huddled against her fathers shoulder.

Yawning Severide continued reading until the girls fall asleep…


	4. Chapter 4

„Good morning, birthday girl", Erin entered the room, while Sophia rubbed her little eyes. She turned 8 on a warm summer morning in July. Both of her parents had a day off, so they were able to spend the time together. Kelly just arrived from his shift, coming to her room with a loud noisemaker.

"Look who's already up and waits to open all the presents", he smiled before he carried her out of bed and kissed her on the cheek.

"I thought you were at the fire house today", Sophia squeeked surprised. Nobody told her that Erin and Kelly wouldn't go to shift today.

"Surprise, surprise", he laughed when Erin hugged her daughter before she got some pancakes behind her neck.

"Yeah, these are my favorite", Sophia laughed to kiss her mum who smiled deeply.

"Daddy and I are gonna to stay home today. And we thought we could do you a favor to go on a little trip."

"What about driving to the beach today?"

"Really?"

"For sure but first there are a lot of presents waiting for you", Kelly laughed before he carried her to the living room on his neck, let her down a little bit later.

Erin lighted the candles and smirked when her daughter watched the presents reverently.

Lindsay reached for Kellys hand, staring at him with proudness, still happy how their little girl slowly changed into a grown up.

During that moment Erin recognized that little girl in herself.

"Thank you so much. These toys are amazing", she smiled with her new doll, straight looking at her parents.

"Can you say when I was born? I mean, which time?"

"9.30", Kelly informed his daughter who looked at him interested.

"And who held me for the first time?"

"Daddy did. He was the first one who saw you. But we better start from the beginning", Erin pulled Sophia on her lap when she spoke about her first time on earth…

*Flash back*

After a long trip from the firehouse Kelly arrived at Lake Shore. The whole squad team waited outside while he ran through the hallway breathlessly entering the delivery room.

"I just got the news. Is she gonna be okay?", he asked, sweat running down his face while he took place on the chair. Fearful he took Erins hand, waiting for an answer.

Lindsay screamed in pain, while the doctor informed him about her state.

"The contradictions already started. The baby is too early but don't panic. Things look quite good. Mum and daughter are stable", he explained between a screaming Erin who squeezed Kellys hand.

"It's my fault. I should have been more careful", she cried. But Kelly negated, while he wiped her foreheard with a tissue.

"Listen. She's gonna be alright. She's our girl."

„She's too early."

„We just had babies which came much earlier than your daughter. Don't worry. It's only 2 weeks."

„See?"

„Okay, Erin. You're just some seconds away from holding your daughter. You've got nothing more to do than pushing as hard as you can, okay?"

Erin nodded in pain, screaming to fight it.

"Just push…push….push…one more time."

But Erin fell to the pillow again.

"I'm done. I can't stand it any longer."

Kelly looked at her desperately.

"Sweetheart, please. Just one time. You can do it."

But Erin just cried. Her nerves got frayed.

Kellys eyes filled with tears.

„Erin please."

He kissed her head, started begging her. Thats when the next contradiction appeared. A pain with a successful fight.

Erin pushed for the last time when a heavy scream, much higher than hers filled the room.

"Congratulations to your da", the nurse winked when she put a blanket around the baby handled it to his Dad, before Severide took her, showing her to Erin.

"Do you wanna cut the cord?"

Still crying Kelly cut it with shaky hands, before they shared butterfly kisses on the babys head.

"Welcome home, little Sophia", Erin whispered while she looked at this little human with pride, before they shared a kiss on their own…


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you so much for all of your reviews. We're going to travel in time now.**

**At this point Sophia is 11 years old.**

**If you still ask yourself if you already know this chapter: I had to correct some mistakes and uploaded it again**

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„Voight, we've got a problem. There is a shoter at the summercamp. Someone shots into the crowd. Dawson and I hide in one of those forest lodges. We have some kids over her."

Three sentences who turned Lindsays world into a personal breakdown. The blood in her veins started to froze when she heard the news. Her eyes widened when she faced Voight.

It was the summer camp which was joined by her daughter and Jays son. The kids were excited since more than 6 months. Today was the celebration of the founder who developed the organization.

"Okay, we're on our way. Are you in contact with other units?"

Olinsky confirmed.

Lindsays body started to shake, while she begged Hank to react.

It didn't need words to understand.

"Are Sophia and Joseph with you?"

There was silence on the other hand of the telephone. Then Olinsky denied.

„Unfortunately not."

Erins panic reached the highest point.

„ I have to call Kelly", she whispered. But Voight grabbed her hand, shook his head.

„No, you won't. You know Severide. He would be freaking out. We just have to keep calm. Try to concentrate, okay?"

Lindsay closed her eyes, still trying to calm down.

" I'll drive. Take our vests. Then weg go."

After he recognized the upcoming tears in her eyes, he softly touched her hand.

"Hey, you have a smart kid. They will hide somewhere. You know Sophia. She's like you, Erin. She will find a good place for safety."

Erin nodded bravely, reaching for one of the bullet proof vests Hank handled her.

A few minutes later they sat in the car. Voight rushed to the scene.

"We'll try to separate. The area is unclear. You take north. I go south. Probably you will meet Olinsky and Dawson there."

Finally other units joined the scene. But they got the command to start first.

When Erin began to run, she had to think about the previous days.

Since the beginning of puberty Sophia became a daddys girl, which resulted some fights between Erin and her. Same was the day before she left for her summer camp. Erin wanted her to wear the red pullover because it was cold and foggy. But Sophia insisted to take her brown t shirt. The one with the band sign.

Eventually this would result her death warrant. She was easier to see if she wore red or other bright colors.

Erin tried to keep calm. It wasn't the right moment to freak out. It wouldn't be a help for anyone.

Careful she walked through the little forest, but shrugged with every gunshot she was able to hear.

They came from the opposite sight which was controlled by Voight.

Erin started to pray for everyone to get out of here in a healthy condition.

Her shaky hands touched the gun, until she froze when she looked at the dead bodies of two young kids, who were laying right in the way.

"Oh my god."

She kneeled down, still searching for the pulse. Without success.

She wanted to contact Jay or some other members. But she turned behind when she heard a crack, disturbing the silence.

Did he find her? Would the shoter aim for his next victim?

A quiet whimper let her sigh.

It sounded like a kid. Not like an adult.

"Police. Is there anyone here? Call out", she whispered into the branchwood, before she recognized a crying shape made her way out of the bushes..

"Mrs. Lindsay", the girl which was identified as Lauren Greening cried in front of her. She was a member of Sophias class.

Erin didn't had to ask, when she reached for the trees looking at her shocked daughter, including the son of her colleague. They both hid in front of an old oak tree, closely sitting next to each other, crying heavily. It took a load of her mind.

It was a relief that Sophia chose to enforce her dickhead. She wore the brown t shirt instead of the red pullover.

After checking the sorroundings Erin walked towards the kids and grabbed all of them, to hold them tight.

"Shh… It's alright. We get out of here", she whispered before she helped Joey and Sophia to get up.

"We couldn't do anything. Eric and Josephin. He shot them", Sophia pointed towards the dead bodies which caused Erin to stoke her shoulder.

"He started to shot everywhere. Even in the tents. He hit them right in the head", Lauren cried searching for comfort in Erins arms.

"We're nearly out of here. But you have to do me a favor. Right now you close your eyes, take each others hands. As far as I give you the sign to open them again, right? Can you do that for me?", Lindsay asked, not wanting to get the kids more traumatized.

She took Sophias hands, which were cold and sweaty like her own.

Skilfull she managed to distract the children without looking at their dead class mates.

„Okay, we're done. Open your eyes. But don't turn around. It's just ten meters until we reach the parking lot. Can you do that for me?", she tried to encourage the students.

And it worked.

When they reached the side a group of police officers and emergency cars, including fire department and paramedics were already waiting for the victims.

Jay, who just arrived at the scene hugged his son tightly while he thanked Erin with tearful eyes.

Lindsay did a hard job to comfort her own kid. Sophia was shaking as hell. So hard that Erin was barely able to hold her in her arms.

Her face was white as a wall. But Lindsay didn't get tired to stroke her brownish hair.

"Daddy", the eleven year old whispered when she recognized her father, which lead Erin to look up, staring at the opposite direction.

It was Kelly. His tools fell to the ground. He started to run, until he reached his family.

Still shaking Sophia separated from her mother, started to walk the last meters until she was grabbed by her father who pulled her into a deep hug. Without her Dad she would have fall to the ground, because her feed collapsed under the heavy events. With an expression of relief he hold his crying girl, while he wrapped his strong arms around her shoulder.

They reflected each other's view until Erin made the last steps towards her boyfriend, finally hugging both of her family.

"To all units: Shooter is dead. We have 15 victims. 6 seriously injured", Voight informed over the radio while Erin closed her eyes…

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„She actually fell asleep", Kelly whispered when Erin returned from her office and entered the room.

Sophia layed next to her father, her head rested in his arms, her face half covered by the blanket.

"I allowed her to sleep in our room. It might be better after that day."

Erin nodded, before she took place on the edge of the bed. She gently touched her daughters forehead before she stroked her eyes, already red from crying.

"We've never should have let her go on this trip. I didn't really had a good feeling before."

Severide denied.

„She used to love it there. It was her will. Nobody could imagine how the day would end."

Lindsay sighed, gently touched Sophias hair.

„I never could have forgiven myself if she would have died."

Kelly took Erins hand, squeezed it softly.

„Erin, It's not your fault. It could have happened anywhere else. We can't protect her from everything. Even if it doesn't justify that day. You did the right thing."

Lindsay sceptical raised her eyebrows.

"15 children are dead. There's no reason to be proud of."

Kelly became silent, staring at Sophia like Erin.

"Do you think she can handle it?"

"She's a tough girl. Like her mum", he looked at his daughter still with a worried expression.

"I will take her to this memorial shrine, near the lake tomorrow. She needs to let go."

Erin focused on Kelly before they shared an intensive kiss.

It would need time and support. But together they would be stronger than an army…


	6. Chapter 6

Thanks for all the reviews.

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"Sophia, what's going on with you?"

"Nothing."

The 12 year old shook her head when her feet touched the water.

"There's something wrong with you. You're completely different since last week. Talk to me", Severide asked.

Instead of answering Sophia constantly watched the chicago river.

It was the first weekend of July. They used the days to spend some time at an island which was 5 miles from their apartement.

Until now things went well. Except her enduring state of closure.

Kelly took place at the foot bridge. He sat cross-legged, next to her.

"Your class teacher called. I won't tell mum. She's too busy with work. But Mrs. Simons told me that you completely spaced out. I'm worried about you."

Sophia focused on the water. She didn't want to talk about it. But Kelly brought it to the point. He knew her better than she thought.

„It's Lucy, isn't it?", Severide estimated.

Sophia shrugged, after she shook her shoulders.

Lucy was her best friend. They played together since kindergarten. She always visited her when Kelly took her to the station of some firefighter colleagues, so they were able to make playdates. Lucys father Tommy was a member at this house, what made him a familiar face to Kelly.

Up to two weeks where Tommy lost his life at a housefire.

„I'm afraid."

„Of what?"

Sophia took a deep breath before she continued again.

"I don't want to lose my parents the same way."

From now on Kelly was able to see things clearer than before.

„She loved her father. I mean, they had the best father -daughter relationship you could imagine. Like me. And then things changed. Forever."

„Sophia…"

She didn't let to interrupt him.

„Why did you give birth to a kid when you chose this job? When you can't make sure if you're coming home next day? If you die, the kid remains fatherless forever."

Kelly was speechless, totally lost for words.

„You can't look through it like this."

„How do you handle that? Or mum? You probably see the worst things in life, you're losing friends, get hurt. Is it worth it?"

She took a look at Kellys bandage, which was covered around his arm. He got some wounds at a school fire the week before.

"I'm constantly afraid. I get nightmares where I recognize you lying dead in the alley. Boden is coming to our house, talking with us about your funeral."

"Hey, munchkin."

He put his arm around her shoulder. She didn't even flinch.

„Sophia, mum and I have chosen this job to help people. We do it from a deep point of our hearts. Not for the money and not for retirement. We decided to do it with pride. There's still the opportunity for not coming home. That's right. But this doesn't mean to regret that we are enjoying life. I love my job. The same as I love you and your mother. And you're right. I'm dealing with it every day. But despite that I still enjoy life and the time I spend with you and mum. "

Sophia nodded, but didn't change her mood.

„How do you manage that? To see dead bodies? Sometimes of children, which are badly burned. Then coming home to live a normal life."

Kelly took the fishing rod aside. This wasn't the best time for a worm.

"I've learned to face my fears. Long time befre you were born. But that doesn't mean that I'm not sad or crying. I've been learning to make a difference for the things I see. That's important. Otherwise you get lost at the job."

„And during the past? Mum and you, did you never think about what will happen to me if you're dead?"

Kelly sighed, but nodded silent.

„Sure. That's why we've been chosen Voight as your god father? Even if we didn't think about it that much. You get children, because you love each other. You want something to leave."

"Really? He's my guardian? I didn't know."

„Sure."

Kelly grabbed Sophias hand.

"Listen kid. Don't waste your time to think about that. Life goes on. Even in the worst case. Better enjoy the day. You live in here and now. Not tomorrow, right?"

Sophia hugged her father, before she reached for her fishing rod.

The girl nodded.

„I love you, Daddy. Please take care of yourself. Don't leave me alone."

„Love you too, munchkin. Love you too"


	7. Chapter 7

A big thanks to all of you. Your reviews mean a lot to me

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4 years later..

„Lindsay? Someone wants to talk to you right now. You've got a visitor", Jay winked towards Erin, before the teenager entered the door. Halstead grabbed his jacket and waved towards Voight.

"I'm going home."

Hank nodded, before Jay left the office.

„Hey, kid", Voight waved with his hand, finally putting Sophia in a warm hug.

She loved Hank, even if he wasn't his real grandfather.

"What did you do?", he joked but she shrugged her shoulders, deeply smiling at him.

"I'm on my way home. I'm going to pick up Dad from shift", she explained, walking to her mothers desk as she greeted Erin with a hug.

„So late? Keep an eye on yourself. It's bad outside. Especially at this time", Hank explained his warning but Sophia still smiled.

"Anyway, if I'm gonna be kinapped they would bring me back after a couple of hours", she joked when Voight got up, searching for his keys.

„I'm going to drive to Millers for some food? Any wish for the ladies?"

„Some noodles", Lindsay made her order.

But Sophia denied.

„No, thanks. I'm invited for dinner. Dad is cooking at the firehouse."

„Good choice. I will be back at seven", Voight explained, before he walked outside, starting the engines of his car.

"How was your day?"

The teenager sighed.

"Okay."

Lindsay took the purse from her bag, handled Sophia a few dollars.

"The fridge is empty. Would you mind to go to safeway?"

Lindsay hated it. It reminds her of her own teenage years. Normally she bought enough food. But this weekend was a little bit different, so she hadn't time to visit the mall. For a second it felt like a flash back to a horrible memory. The moment when her mum stopped coming home, forcing her to beg on the street until Charlie Pugliese brought the food on the table, boxing her into the next addiction.

Sophia should never feel the same. Being hungry was one of the worst thing she ever felt.

But the teenager negated.

"Mum, we will be home soon. I'm not dying of starvation", she laughed, but getting serious when she remembered her problem.

"Can I talk to you alone for a minute?"

"What is it? Did you screwed up?""

Sophia shook her head.

"May I ask you something?"

Erin looked at her in confusion.

"Is it right? I mean, what Grandpa said? I was home that day much earlier, just wanted to grab my keys when I listened to them talking. Dad said that things weren't easy for you as a teenager. That America should pay more money for streetkids? What did he mean? Does it connect with your real parents?"

Erins fingers started to shake. They avoided that issue. As much as she could think. But now time was right.

Erin kept quiet until she broke the silence.

"Okay, I think your old enough to get the truth. I've never told you because I didn't wanted to pollute you but since you're 16. You should know better."

Sophia suspected that something important would occur.

"Your grandparents… I mean your real one… stopped talking quite early. My Dad was a criminal and had to stay in prison. My mum became a single parent, getting into heroin, since I can think of. We switched houses, before we've found a place in different shelter homes. Finally she stopped coming home when I was 13. She didn't left a dollar. No clue how I would be able to survive. Somehow I managed to live on the street. But I had no opportunity."

Deeply moved Sophia listened to her mothers voice. She couldn't believe her ears.

"I met people with similar problems, which boxed me in real bad. Including one man who worked as a dealer. His name was Charlie Puglese. He brought food on the table. So I stopped thinking about my own problems. How to get money, where to live, how to hide from welfare. I was afraid to get into childrens home. I didn' want to go there. I started dealing, breaking into houses and joined some clans. All for one. One for all. But things didn't look good for me. I got arrested and at the age of fourteen my file looked like a criminal myself. The first friends died, some overdosed. Meanwhile I was an addict, got a lot of problems until I met Voight. It was short after the millennium. The beginning of 2003, some time between January and February. It was cold outside and I had no place to stay. My friend was in prison. So I had no choice."

Sophia stared at her mother, still shocking from the news.

"Voight offered some money if I would take this job as a CI. I was alone, hard winter. So I agreed. Shortly after he took me into foster care. I went to a new school. It was hard. Everything was fine, until someone found out about my past. You soon recognize your real friends when your mums a junkie and your dads in jail. I ate the bullying, never told Voight bout it."

"That's why you went to my school when I was attacked by Betthany Hamilton?"

Erin nodded.

Her eyes full of tears.

„I always wanted you to get a better life than me. Breaking the cycle, having a mum and dad who are able to take care. When I got pregnant I was extremely anxious if I would be a good mother for you. I was afraid to continue with the same mistakes. To underrate this responsibility. I didn't what a good mum is made of."

Erins lips started to shake until the first tears streamed down her face.

"When time went by I grow with my tasks. Your dad was a huge support. He still ist."

Meanwhile Sophia did a hard job to obey the tears.

"No kid deserved to life on the street. Our identity is made in which family we are born. It's not fair."

Lindsay smiled weakly, before she wiped her tears away.

"Even we get into a fight I want you to know that I always love you and that you are great young woman who should go on with her life like she already did."

The teenage girl nodded, bite her lips to keep control.

„Mum, can I hug you?"

Lindsay pulled her into her arms.

"You're not a bad mum. You're the best I've ever known."

They enjoyed the closeness, before they removed from each other.

"Thanks for telling me the truth."

"It was more than overdue. I just didn't knew if you're already stable enough. I just wanted to be your role model."

"You still are."

Sophia smiled weakly.

"I have to go. Otherwise Dad would call to report me as a missing kid."

Erin nodded.

"Watch yourself", Sophia smiled when she grabbed her bag.

"Greetings to daddy. Give him a kiss."

"Will do. Love you."

Sophia entered the floor where she nearly collided with a surprised Voight who coughed in embarassement.

"I just came from the car", he explained which made sure he already listened for a longer time.

Irritating Sophia shook her head, until she went outside..


	8. Chapter 8

„Hey, munchkin. Don't you like my food?"

Around 30 minutes later Sophia sat on the table in the fire house.

She wasn't hungry anymore, still thinking of her mothers words

„I'm just tired. Can we leave for home soon?"

"Sure."

Kelly looked at Sophia in confusion. Normally she enjoyed talking to the other firefighters.

But even in the car she seemed extremely quiet.

"Honey, what' really up with you? You gonna get sick?", he touched her forehead, but she shook her head, watching him unhappy.

„Dad, in cause of mum…When did you got to know about her past?"

Surprised Kelly stared at Sophia.

"How do you know?"

"She told me. I know everything about it."

Kelly sighed, turned off the engine before he started talking

"Your mum had a tough childhood. She took a hard fight of getting back to life. This earns the highest respect."

Sophia nodded with a shaky voice.

"I know but now I see things clearer. It makes more scence to me. I never get the point why she was strict about parties or smoking. If I would have known… Sometimes I should have kept my mouth shut. It was just the fear to lose me, wasn't it?"

"Hey."

Kelly touched her arms but she was already crying.

"Fighting might quite normal for your age. Sometimes saying things you don't really mean. Even if we're parents we're just human beings. Like you. Don't forget you are the most important thing in your mother's life. She would die for you. Same do I. She's gone to hell when Hanson shot your classmates. Even if she won't let you feel because she wanted to make sure that you are proved for life."

"I can't imagine her being addicted. Not mum. Why is it possible? Children living on the street, no one which take care of them."

Kelly lifted his shoulders.

„Nobody cares. Dealers take profit of those who feel miserable. The age doesn't count. Adults just want to adopt babies or infants. Those who are cute without any past. It's an endless cycle."

"If that's true Voight acted totally selfless. He could have ignored her after she succeeded at her job as a CI. Instead of this he became a foster parent."

"Hank has a soft core. Even if he doesn't show it."

Sophia looked outside the window.

„Four years ago, when we had to hide at this summer camp and Eric and Josephin died, there was this one moment, where I realized that some days could be the last"

Kelly looked at her in a sympathetic way.

"On this morning mum and I got into a fight. Some teenage stuff. Later she dropped me with my bag and waited. I didn't look back. I was too angry. Two hours later we heard the first gun shots. The point is we would have never seen each other again. Same happened two years later, just the opposite way when this bomb explosion occurred. She nearly died and I did nothing than arguing about some childish issues."

Kelly gently touched her head.

„Since then I try to avoid any discussion when it comes to a fight."

"But even if you do it doesn't change your relationship."

"I don't want to split up that way. You have no clue about this feeling. I fear that moment of getting a call saying mum is dead."

„Of course I do. My dad was a fiefighter. I grow up with the same insecurance. I just learned that I live in the here and now. Not to think about yesterday or tomorrow."

Tiredly she wipped her eyes.

"Sure but it doesn't make it easier."

"No, it doesn't."

There was an ongoing silence.

"Come on. Lets go before you fell asleep in the car."

Sophia nodded, before she followed her dad into the house.

"Shall I bake something for her? Do you think she would like it?"

"Right now? It's after 9 o clock."

„Why not?"

„Do whatever you want. But don't forget to shut off the oven. Casey might be taking a shower now. He won't like to be called at a house fire at this time."

Sophia smiled sadly before she entered the kitchen. Kelly grabbed for a beer.

Interested she reached for the old cookbook, which Voights wife gave Erin before she died.

Only two hours later the completed cake rested on the kitchen table while Sophia and Kelly already had been fallen asleep on the couch.

It was shortly after midnight when Erin came home.

There was nothing better than a warm bed. But she stopped when she noticed about the kitchen light.

"To mummy" she noticed the letters on the cake before she looked into the living room deeply smiling.

She carefully grabbed for the blanket, before she kissed both of her family.

Being touched in amusement she took one part of the cake before she earning walk to her bedroom…


End file.
